comments 8

Missing Mia

My heart.

My heart.

It’s been almost 3 months since we laid Mia to rest, and although I don’t normally like to ‘bring down’ this blog with negative comments and heavy feelings, I can’t shake the feeling of incredible loss. In fall, this particularly nostalgic time of year, it just seems to be such a keen sense of missing something. School has started back up, and I still expect a happy face to greet me at the door every time I come home after a hard, long day. Yesterday, no one was home when I arrived in after work, and it struck me, hard, that Mia wasn’t here.

Having rarely dealt with grief before, this is a new experience for me. I can say with complete honesty that the days after losing Mia were absolutely the worst in my life. This may seem over dramatic to some – who gets so worked up over a pet? – but I’d rather not be acquainted with people who think like that. I think most of you who have loved a pet realize they are on the same plane as that of a family member.

These past few weeks for some reason have been particularly difficult. Taking out a winter coat, I found a doggie poop bag in the pocket. Something so small and silly just set me off – wasn’t it this time last year that we’d be taking her out for a walk? Wasn’t she laughing at us as we raked the leaves, playing games as we threw them around her in the air?

I miss that no one is there to lie beside me in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep and have traipsed downstairs to tough it out in the couch. I miss seeing the excitement of asking her if she’d like to accompany me on the 3-minute walk to get the mail. I miss coming home after a particularly trying day and burying my face in her shaggy, smelly, full coat and instantly feeling better. I miss the slow race of dropping something on the floor and picking it up before she reached it. I miss seeing her dog dishes, matted balls of fur strewn about the house, and checking under the dinner table before moving the chair. I’m dreading upcoming family functions where her presence will be missed – especially around her most favourite of things, the Christmas Day unwrapping of presents.

It’s just not the same, and that’s ok. It’s not supposed to be. But, damn it, why couldn’t it just be made so that dogs and people live at the same time? I would’ve been perfectly happy chatting with her through to our old age and then peacefully passing away together.

To quote Will Rogers: “If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.”

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8 Comments

  1. Stacie

    This made me teary! I used to hear stories of people saying goodbye to their pets and thinking – it’s just an animal,why are you getting so worked up? [never having had to put a pet down, I had no idea!]

    Kyle and I got a cat who we had to put down when he was just 2 years old. I literally could not function. I would go to work, sit at my desk and cry. I would go home and cry. I was inconsolable. I had no appetite – my world stopped. That was over 2 years ago and I still sometimes just cry about him.

    It’s true what they say “you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone.” Who would think having a little orange kitty greet me at the door after work, or you taking Mia to get the mail had such an impact on our everyday lives.

    The hurt never goes away, but it does get better with time. I totally agree though – I wish that our pets could just be with us until it’s our time to go, too.

    I feel for ya girl, just remember how great things were with that lil gal around!

    • Jess A

      Thank you, Stacie, and thank you for reading about her! I’ve been surprised at the incredible outpouring of stories that others have shared in response to my posts about Mia. It’s heartwarming and makes it just a little bit less painful. xo

  2. When my dog was hit by a car, I cried every single night for two years before I could finally fall asleep without her — it was terrible. So hard to lose them. My thoughts are with you, friend.

    • Jess A

      Thanks, Des. They are just so entangled in your very being! Best creatures in the world.

  3. We had dogs and cats and now have fish and they do become part of the family. I can really feel your sense of loss with my grandmother passing away a month ago. and also though twice before posting about it. However your blog becomes your tool of expressing yourself and for some getting it out there or talking about it is part of their healing process. I hope that you heal soon. All the best.

  4. I’m so sorry. It sounds like you had great times with her! She is a beautiful dog! And I love her name.

    • Jess A

      Thank you. And thank you very kindly for taking the time to read about her!

      • Dad

        Curly girl, You have no idea how many times I come home to see the door open and hoping that it all has been a bad dream,
        The hardest is going for a walk and talking with Mia or any pet and knowing that they do not judge and accept you for what you are.
        Much love Old Curly guy.

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